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Well;; what the fuck.
Me & Ryan have been broken up now for a week. =[ at 1st i was doing alright;; I'm staying at Pi lam a frat @ widener [my school] and yeah right now i feel so alone, I'm listening through glass, and I'm getting teary eyed cus me & Ryan seen stone sour together @ family values tour, and I'm remembering just holding each other in one anothers arms & singing.... & now I'm so fucking alone. i really feel like calling him but i cant... like i duno i just cant.... even though I'm seeing him tomorrow so he can take me to court. I fucking miss him so much, hes m y1st and only love. i really hope we get back together, i mean i planned my life around him. yeah this single life can be fun, but i love Ryan so much....i hate sleeping alone at night knowing that when i look over hes not next to me ..but then i think if we get back together so soon nothing will change & we'll be in the same god damn boat we were in before... uh so hard.. why the fuck can't i change so he can be happy wtf is wrong with me..some one please tell me....i cant help being sarcastic ..its just my nature.... & like yeah i want to do promotions & all that....& have fun & stuff .. I'm young..but i also want the guy who I've been with for 4 years & 3 months back in my life. i need him... he completes me....with out him i don't feel whole...its so weird my eyes are like tearing up & I'm crying on the inside but my tears aren't falling....what does it mean???? uh i have no idea.. guess ill just wait it out.
"I’m here all by myself, remembering that you once said that you would always be there."
"I watched you walk away from me last night. You said that in a way you kind of wished I would have went after you. I didn't, I couldn't. I didn't want it to seem like I was begging you to stay with me. God knows I love you more than anything in this world, but I won't beg you to stay. If you want to leave, then it's your choice, I'm not stopping you. All the other times you went to walk away, I stopped you and we worked things out, but time after time, we've ended up in the same place. Maybe, this time if I don't go after you, you'll come back to me and things will be fine. But if not, then maybe it's my mistake. But then again, is it really a mistake? Aren't I the one finally saving us from all the pain? Even though I didn't go after you, doesn't mean that I don't want you to stay. It just means, that I'm not begging you anymore. If you stay it's going to be because you want to, not because I begged you too. And if you don't want to, then I guess, that's fine too. Like I said, I'm not going to beg you. I've hurt my pride too much already for that. I know you're going to leave, but before you go, just know that I wouldn't trade what we had for the world, and even if I find somebody new, I'll forever go on loving you."
"& maybe I’m not over him,
but maybe I don't want to be"
"No matter how many times he hurts me,
I'll always forgive him...
some call it stupid,
I call it love"
"i love you even though i hate this
thing that we've become"
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h0txheat's journal
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