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please don`t feed tha model

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long time no post. [21 Feb 2008|12:37am]
[ mood | incomplete ]

Well;; what the fuck.

Me & Ryan have been broken up now for a week. =[ at 1st i was doing alright;; I'm staying at Pi lam a frat @ widener [my school] and yeah right now i feel so alone, I'm listening through glass, and I'm getting teary eyed cus me & Ryan seen stone sour together @ family values tour, and I'm remembering just holding each other in one anothers arms & singing.... & now I'm so fucking alone. i really feel like calling him but i cant... like i duno i just cant.... even though I'm seeing him tomorrow so he can take me to court. I fucking miss him so much, hes m y1st and only love. i really hope we get back together, i mean i planned my life around him. yeah this single life can be fun, but i love Ryan so much....i hate sleeping alone at night knowing that when i look over hes not next to me ..but then i think if we get back together so soon nothing will change & we'll be in the same god damn boat we were in before... uh so hard.. why the fuck can't i change so he can be happy wtf is wrong with me..some one please tell me....i cant help being sarcastic ..its just my nature.... & like yeah i want to do promotions & all that....& have fun & stuff .. I'm young..but i also want the guy who I've been with for 4 years & 3 months back in my life. i need him... he completes me....with out him i don't feel whole...its so weird my eyes are like tearing up & I'm crying on the inside but my tears aren't falling....what does it mean???? uh i have no idea.. guess ill just wait it out.

"I’m here all by myself, remembering that you once said that you would always be there."

"I watched you walk away from me last night. You said that in a way you kind of wished I would have went after you. I didn't, I couldn't. I didn't want it to seem like I was begging you to stay with me. God knows I love you more than anything in this world, but I won't beg you to stay. If you want to leave, then it's your choice, I'm not stopping you. All the other times you went to walk away, I stopped you and we worked things out, but time after time, we've ended up in the same place. Maybe, this time if I don't go after you, you'll come back to me and things will be fine. But if not, then maybe it's my mistake. But then again, is it really a mistake? Aren't I the one finally saving us from all the pain? Even though I didn't go after you, doesn't mean that I don't want you to stay. It just means, that I'm not begging you anymore. If you stay it's going to be because you want to, not because I begged you too. And if you don't want to, then I guess, that's fine too. Like I said, I'm not going to beg you. I've hurt my pride too much already for that. I know you're going to leave, but before you go, just know that I wouldn't trade what we had for the world, and even if I find somebody new, I'll forever go on loving you."

"& maybe I’m not over him,
but maybe I don't want to be"

"No matter how many times he hurts me,
I'll always forgive him...
some call it stupid,
I call it love"

"i love you even though i hate this
thing that we've become"

tears fall*_

long time no update. [05 Jan 2007|12:21am]
[ mood | cold ]

still alive. i can't sleeep;; & i'm mostly active in communities now a days. just blah on here. i'm doing good on my diettt =] 21 lbs. to go :) yay.. im freeezin` & can't sleeep. i love ryan eric & he is sick but he is picking me up tomarrow & taking me to school. like usual <3 i love ryannnn;;; oh & today [the 5th] is me & ryans 3 year & 3 month =] <33

2 let the tears fall*_

so busy [20 Mar 2006|03:35pm]
[ mood | sick ]

i`m still alive if anyone cares :P

so just an update i'm actually sick right now! i lost went from 145 lbs. to 139 lbs. in about 2 days.. my belly is killing me no idea why. ryan took care
of me all yesterday he is so sweet :) !! Friday is his 19th birthday!! & it will be 2 years we confessed our love for each other :P .. so yea i'm graduating next year & im hella excited. Taproot concert april 4th so me & ryan are excited. other then that nothin else to say but i need a new job :( <3 xoxo <3 x*tina

tears fall*_

=] [08 Dec 2005|10:35am]
[ mood | excited ]

Goiin` up to NYC for Depeche mode concert tonight
@ Madison Square Garden =] hella exciited <333333
prolly be back friday afternoon. sorry i been soo
busy lately!!!me & ryan are still together it was
2 years it was on the 5t of nov. =) <333333333333

tears fall*_

[31 Oct 2005|09:59am]
happy halloween

so yea i duno im a cat =]
& i'm @ school now. im seeiin`
ryan later hopefully so yea
have fub everyone :)
tears fall*_

[27 Oct 2005|10:36am]
i got a new puppy.
ryan got it for me
for a mix of my bday &
our 2 year annaversary!! =]

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
10 let the tears fall*_

=] [07 Sep 2005|11:12am]
[ mood | chipper ]

ryan picked me up from school yesterday!! it was soo cute!! i <3 him so much. I`m actually in my into to business class right now but its almost over & i had nothiin else to do so i figured why not?? but whatever.... i <3 ryan... & i miss him & i cant talk to him till friday ..his parents are dick fucks. (new word) but whatever.. i duno i`m done venting <3333

12 let the tears fall*_

[24 Aug 2005|12:49pm]
[ mood | sick ]

i seen ryan yesterday. & then i got sicker & he took care of me.
god i love him. well seether & crossfade concert is on sunday! =)
yay...sorry i havnt been updatiin`.. been busy w/ summer & all of
that..but i'm on myspace alot. i went to the eminem concert aug.6th
so that was fun!! & i went to the beach this past saturday w/ my friends
& then sunday i went shoppiin` @ king of prussia... spent $1500 =) <3 & thas
pretty much it ++ i seen ryan friday & saturday & yesterday so im a happy camper =) thas all update sometime <3

5 let the tears fall*_

busy. [03 Aug 2005|11:37pm]
[ mood | hot ]

well i been hella busy lately. mostly on myspace.theres a liink...
i went to the chevelle concert this past friday. slept in ryans car on saturday
& spent soem tiime w/ him sunday :) .... uhh && eminem concert is on saturday. just a short update.... if you have a myspace add me =) <3

tears fall*_

good news :) [04 Jul 2005|02:00am]
[ mood | chipper ]

well i havnt updated in hella long!!a lot has happened... good & bad...

the best thing was that......

me & ryan are back together!! thank the fcukiin` lord!! :) yeah i seen him this past friday!! && we talked things out..it was like the perfect day i talked to him o nthe phone..then seen him..then talked to him online.. it may sound lame but i got all that in 1 day..so it was good compared to my other shiity days!
piicture 0f me & ryan from friday =)Collapse )

On monday i came home from florida...it was a crazzy tiime....filled with good & bad....i ended up sneekiin` out a window & runnin` away..my aunt is a biitch & i'm most likely never goiin` back or @least for a hella long time! my aunt & i don`t get along to well..well after beiin` around each other for so long..even though i was there for 6 days... but whatever
on the brightside i got to see 2 of my best friends steve-o & doug who moved to florida in april.... & i got to go to the beach & get tann :) &&& i went to busch gardens which was hella fun :P .. the plane ride home was crazy i was on the plane for like 6 hours... because it was rainin` & lightenin` struck the ramp... what a fcuk...but whatever.. <33
i'm happy to be home
piictures from floridaCollapse )

after i came home...i had so pics left on my camera so here they are
pictures leftoverCollapse )

thats all for now; hope everyones summer is good xoxo x*tina

7 let the tears fall*_

in school ; Interview me.. [25 May 2005|08:02am]
[ mood | anxious ]

1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

I was interviewed by xxprettytearsxx

1.) How are you and your boyfriend?
- My boyfriend & I are good ; just we have to wait till my 16th birthday which is nov.
till we can see or talk to each other. it sucks but its better then me being 18!

2.) What do you like about yourself?
- Considering i don't like much about myself...i like my hair & my wrists :)

3.) What do you think of abortion?
- I am pro- abortion because it should be the womens descion..but that doesn't mean
go out & have sex for the hell of it & just get an abortion

4.) What song makes you cry?
- Hero by Enrique Egliasis (i spelled that wrong)
but for some reason that song makes me cry.. & others
i just can't think!

5.) And if you could go anywhere where would it be?
- I would go to Greece because i have family there ,i'm
50% & because it's a beautiful place :) <3

Thanks for the questions doll <3!

i'll do a real journal update later <3

7 let the tears fall*_

[24 Mar 2005|09:51pm]
[ mood | grateful ]

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
today was a crazzy ass day
1st off i want to wish my boyfriend ryan a HAPPY 18th Birthday
well i got to see him for like 5 mins. today wich was awesome + i got to talk to him on tha phone for like 10 mins. :) so i was hella happy.. uh it felt so good to be in his arms... i <3 him so much he is my world... & yea i was just to happy to see him .. i havn`t seen him since JAN. 8th!! holy hell..... & i also chilled with grey ..thanks to him i got a ride!! & then i went back to chuckie cheese for cats lil brothers bday ...then after we went back to my house then @ 10:30 ..we went to cats mom & now were here & i'm sleepiin` 0ver & i`ll update later xoxo

11 let the tears fall*_

i havn`t updated in forever [15 Mar 2005|09:01pm]
[ mood | busy ]

i have so much to update i jus been hella busy.. i promiise i will sometiime soon!! <33

tears fall*_

[04 Feb 2005|05:11pm]
[ mood | cold ]

what a night!! last night was so crazy!! i go to lay down @ 10:15ish & then i had to go to the bathroom but when i peed i felt like i kept havin` to pee!! it was so annyoin` i tried to go to sleep but i couldn't!! my grandmom asked me what was wrong & i told her & she called my aunt in New york her sister but she is like an aunt. Anyway my aunt knew what i should do because it happened to her a lot. When she was 17 or so she didn't pee for one week!! she almost died... but that wasn't me.. i jus felt like i had to pee & i would pee for like a second & i couldn't pee any more it was so weird , so my aunt told me to get into the hot bath & relax for a litle bit. So i did that i got out when it was like 3:00 a.m!! uh i was so tired to.. my mom said she was going to make me a doctors apointment to see what was wrong. So i woke up @ 6:50 & my mom saidi didn't have to go to school =] yay so yea then i went back to sleep woke up @ 9:05 & then my doctors appointment was @ 10:15 so yea i go to the doctors & i had to pee in a cup what fun lol ..so yea & they said its okay & that it just happens sometimes but my mom told the doctor about my eating disorder!! uh (( thanks for sharing my business with the whole world mom!! )) & the doctor gos " your definitly not fat , if anything your under weight , i can tell" ahah yea get off the crack pipe!! so yea what a day!

5 let the tears fall*_

[03 Feb 2005|09:14pm]
[ mood | blah ]

well i duno... i have a new keyboard =] yay :) so yea i duno i miss ryan so much!! it's driving me insane i seriously need him!! lately i've been so tired out. i've been going to sleep pretty early , which is kind of rare..but i like it :) so yea i duno..everythin is crazy.. in math i have a 69.6! ah :x
science i have a 85 , world civ. i had a 99 =] health i have a 97 & i don't know about the rest of my classes but whatever... i`ll write more tomarrow!! xoxo x*tina

tears fall*_

[25 Jan 2005|07:03pm]
[ mood | cold ]

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you have a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
7. Describe me in one word.
8. What was your first impression?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. When's the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
15. What is that something?? *please*
16. Why havnt u asked me out?
17. Are you going to put this on yours and see what I say about you

How will you end up! (ED version) by Angelz_Shadower
Lowest Weight (lbs)45
Highest Weight (lbs)136
Worst Binge (kcals)2,370
Best Fast (days)18
Final OpinionYou look amazing
Do you Revover?No
Quiz created with MemeGen!
tears fall*_

!!fcuker [25 Jan 2005|04:59pm]
[ mood | cold ]

well i havn`t wrote in here in a while .. omg.. my keyboard is fcuked up so i have to use on screen keyboard ..i'm so pissed
:( its annyoin` to use & takes forever.. anyway..today we had a 2 hour delay ^_^..& monday there wasn't school.....i`ve been freezin` my ass off lately..whats up with that? =\
i hate typin` with this so thas all for now! xoxo x*tina

quiz =)Collapse )

2 let the tears fall*_

[20 Jan 2005|06:04pm]
[ mood | cold ]

wow..boy am i pissed tha fcuk off!! ... what the fcuk.. i can`t even write in my own journal anymore... its fcukin` pathetic!!!... uh.. once again..cat violated my trust..she go's through my journal & reads everythin` & tells my mom... uhh!!!!... i took her OFF my friends list.. this way whatever entrys i make are friends only... are the ones she won`t be able to read..thats what that piece of shit deserves!! god.. she talks about how she's not able to trust me.. look @ that cunt!! uhh .. so fcukiin` pissed right now.. not to mention its freeziin`... & my mom said she is stayin` wiitth me 2 hours after i eat!!.what tha fcuk!!!.. looks like im only goiin` to be able to purge in school! uhh... whatever i duno what else to write im not in a great mood.. sorry everyone xoxo x*tina

what gets me through each day...
the thought of ­-» seein` you agaiin <3

10 let the tears fall*_

[11 Jan 2005|10:26am]
[ mood | aggravated/depressed ]

yesterday sucked.. im in school now.. im grounded & i won`t be on the computer for a good month so everyone keep me added !! i`ll have details after all the bullshiit!! i <3 ryan so much xoxo x*tina

1 let the tears fall*_

sick ;x [03 Jan 2005|02:02pm]
well i havn`t wrote in a while...buh break went by very very quick!!..
i didn`t really do much buh... i got to see ryan on wednesday .. we went ice skating :) it was fun.. it was my 1st time on ice since i was like 10.. lol it was my 2nd time & i did okay..cat fell once lol ... & cat & ryan raced each other.. ryan won lol ...then after ice skating we went to tha mall to get some lunch ..(( me & ryan shared burbon chicken )) yum :)...then we hung out for like an hour then we went ou seperate ways :( buh it was good to see ryan..then we went to cats house got so shit..& me , cat, nikkii , her mom & lil bro went to this town i can`t spell & stayed @ her aunts..we went into the hot tub & chilled..then i talked to ryan..& we fell asleep on tha phone.....

thursday - i woke up @ & we went back to cats then we went to south street in philly <3 it was cool.. i got a pair of pants that a really cute!! & i went into Condom Kingdom & got a vanilla flavored condom & a choclate cake flavored condom .. i can`t wait to taste them & i stole this pin that says "i would shake your hand buh i have a good idea of where its been" lol its cute .. then we took the speedline back to cats @ 6:00 ..then @ around 7 we went home ...& we went to The King Of Prussia Mall <3 :) i got my burberry bag pack bag so i was happy.. :) then i talked to ryan & blah...& that was basically it..

friday - i went to tha mall with cat & i got an this shirt thingy i 4get what there called & these american eagle boxers... they looked comfy so cats dad bought them for me.. ;] , then i duno... that was it...then we attempted to go out that night buh all this shit happened & i ended up chillen with cat & jen..buh whatever...

saturday - woke up... talked to ryan , then i was gonna go home buh me & cat went to tha mall then all this shit happened so i duno it was gay & me & cat went home @ around 8:00 ..then my mom was sick so we walked up to cvs & i talked to ryan ..then we got off..when we go to cvs we got medicine for my mom...then the bag ripped open & all this shiit...then we walked home ..then i talked to ryan for a lil bit & then went to sleep..

sunday - i didn`t do much.... cleaned... i found out that i lost 3 lbs. :) which is good news for me so i was exciited about that..i talked to ryan ..& ryan fell asleep with me on the phone..

today - i woke up got dresses attempted to eat some what of ab ig breakfast , buh i couldn`t.. then i felt sick & i was on the bus & i was so sick... so my mom picked me up from school & we went home ..i was so sick.. & i fell asleep & i talked to ryan & he was sick to..we always get sick & miss school @ the same time its weird.. well thas all
xoxo x*tina

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2 let the tears fall*_

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